How? What happen?

Been about 2 weeks since I last post. Time 2am...Date 13/09

These 2 weeks was really good. I got a gf and it seem my life is going up finally. everything seems to be in place and ready to move on. getting really busy at work, but I don't mind the stress as it mean that there is opportunity for me. What more to ask for now...

How I wish this bed of roses are there to stay forever. .

Everything was brought down to earth, Suddenly she decided to call it a stop. I really not sure why, I guess it is the usual me again. Saying something I didn't meant it or my ideas are being misrepresented by my mouth. I really don't understand. Why stop about what I thought was a very good talk.

That SMS message that I received from her at 850 in the morning,(..... Dun think can carry on..) make me shaken with cold shivers. Suddenly, I felt I lose someone really close. I lose focus on my work yet I need to put on a smile at work. HAHA. Life is joke. I really not sure why. But After re-enact the whole talk I guess I make a lot mistakes in the talk.

I let her lose confident in me and also i didn't give her security. I know myself that I make a really big mistake. I am really very sad, I find myself worse than the previous breakup. I fight back my tears the whole day at work but still find it really hard to hold back.

I know myself I will not give up easily now. For one reason, I believe I found that special ONE in her. She is really sweet and nice to me, very caring also. I am serious about this, at the end I guess I can only blame myself for all this. I guess I need to think before I talk. But I am someone that say what come into my mind. I don't want to go across as fake, I am like an open book. What you see is what you get.

I got a many pages( 10) proposal that I need to hand in by Thursday. Opps....It is 15 hours away from the deadline. Yet I haven't started on anything. I really no mood to write it, it was an opportunity for me. I believe I will screw up the whole proposal. I can only blame myself on this.

Why this must happen? I know I need to talk to her, there isn't anything wrong with the talk. It is just me, giving people the insecurity feeling.

To use my favourite analogy will be, I am 2-0 down with 15 mins to go, or even less time. I need a Kanu. Somehow this type of things always happen when the north london derby is at the weekend.

I felt I have been drop from the sky. Entering Free Fall mood......................................................